'round and 'round she goes....

...and where she stops, nobody knows.

First, let's clear the cobwebs off this blog. Sometimes, I get so caught up in existing that I forget to LIVE life like the beautiful gift it is. It is so easy to get bogged down with the HAVE TOs and forget about the WANT TOs. Lately, I've been on a quest to cut the excess baggage from my life. Purge the crap, decrease the negativity, and increase the positivity. I am trying to surround myself with people who make me feel good. I don't mean people that pump up my ego. I mean people who love life, are positive, live out loud, and it just feels good to be around them. Perhaps I'm having the onset of a slight mid-life crisis after my recent 4[mumble]th birthday. Perhaps I'm tired of tearing up every time I see someone living their passion and wondering when I'm going to get to live mine. Perhaps it's just time to start LIVING again.

My main priority for the past 13+ years has been being a Mommie. I love this job. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it does tend to become your whole world, if you let it. Thing 1 and Thing 2 are growing up and don't need my constant attention any more. I have my hobbies...Asian Ball Jointed Dolls, sewing, and various other silly things I like to do...but, I long to do something big. Something fantastic. Something outrageous. Something that will make people talk. I've always said I would rather be interesting enough to be talked about than be so boring that no one talks about me ;)

I ask myself...What is my passion? What is it that I really want to do that I'm not doing? I've pushed it down for so long that I really don't know. I look at my hobbies...the things I enjoy doing most. The Dolls. The answer is in the Dolls. I discovered Asian Ball Jointed Dolls about 5 years ago and was immediately hooked. Each Doll I have (or  have had...if they've moved on to new homes) has a distinct developed (or being developed) character...actors, burlesque dancers, buskers, carnies, ghosts, knife throwers, musicians, pinup girls, rollergirls, steampunks, sword swallowers, time travellers, vampires, witches ...but what is the common underlying theme with all of them? Each one is some kind of performer or exhibitionist or has some fantastic ability that sets them apart from what is considered ~normal~. I realize...each doll represents some part of me. Each one is a tangible form of what I wish for, long for, or am fascinated by. I have been living vicariously through the Dolls and their stories. All well and good, but that still leaves me with a hole in my soul that needs to be fulfilled. And, lately, my Dolls have just been sitting there...staring at me...taunting me with all my unrealized hopes and dreams and aspirations.

So, what does all this have to do with going 'round and 'round? Ever since we moved here, I keep finding myself wishing that we lived closer to Denver. STUFF is going on there! STUFF I want to be a part of. STUFF I want my girls to be a part of. But, I have my priorities and they keep me close to home...away from the STUFF. Every so often, I search the web to see if something, anything, that calls to me might have popped up close to home. Nothing. Until yesterday...

I have been fascinated with Roller Derby for years (and secretly wanted to get involved), but [insert rambling from above]. All of sudden, it's popping up over and over in my life. I have reconnected with many old friends from my past on FaceBook. Three really good friends were or are currently involved with Roller Derby. I recently made a new friend that was on a team in Denver. There's all the buzz about Whip It! (can't wait to see this! Reading the book now)...

...I want to be a Roller Girl for Halloween...Yes! I AM dressing up this year! It's been way too long and that is just wrong...then I start searching for more info about the Denver Roller Derby teams and plan to attend an upcoming bout. Unbelievably (mostly to myself), this will be my first. Then I do it...google...Roller Derby Loveland...and discover FoCo Girls Gone Derby! I click all over their web site, sign up for the newsletter, plan to attend a bout, join their FaceBook Fan Page, start getting all pumped up and thinking...maybe, just maybe, I could do this...and then I remember that (1) I'm not all that coordinated or athletic, (2) I'm quite out of shape, and (3) I'm no Spring Chicken. I am working on the out-of-shape part by biking daily and have dropped almost 2 sizes over the summer...yay!...but, there's not much I can do about the uncoordinated part or the Spring Chicken part. Whatever. Then...I notice a link I hadn't clicked yet. One little entry on their blog...Jr Roller Derby. What!?! My heart skips a beat and I click the link. There is a League in Greeley for girls 9-17 and I have 2 of those! Well, Thing 2 will be 9 in exactly one month from today ;) I quickly leave a comment asking for more info and if there is a Jr. League closer to home. The reply comes back from a mom who lives in Loveland and they have a carpool!

So, you guessed it. We are going to join Junior Roller Derby! Right now, it will just be Thing 1 since Thing 2 is in Ballet on practice nights, but she wants to check it out, too. Thing 1 is super excited and I'm excited for her. She hasn't found her passion yet, but I think this is a step in the right direction. I want her to experience anything and everything that ignites a spark within her and one day she will find that thing that lights her fire. I may not get to realize my dream of being a Roller Girl, but I am going to try and give my daughters every chance I can to find their PASSION and ROLL with it...whatever ~it~ may be.

I know. All that means I'm still living vicariously through someone else and not embracing my own passion, but who knows where this will lead? ... ;) Right now, it's leading me to create a new blog button for ROLLER DERBY because I have a feeling this topic is going to need it's own section!